And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
