you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
