these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
