i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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