My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
