i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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