There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
