he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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