Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
