In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just invented taco cereal.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I am available for nakedness
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
