Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I forgot wine drunk hurts
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
