not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
