My underwear smells like fireworks.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
