between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
