I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Can I color on your dick again?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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