I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
