Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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