my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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