There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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