please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
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We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
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There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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