bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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