We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
