i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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