dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
