i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize