After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
