yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
