there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
