Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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