i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
