My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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