I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
