no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
third nipple confirmed
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
