who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
