sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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