Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
