I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
