I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
