you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
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How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
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You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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