I feel great
I just peed on a car
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
