called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
