Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
