i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize