tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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