so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
