It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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