I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
where are my eyebrows?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
