Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
