Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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