i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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