If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
