if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
