So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
