ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
