I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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