you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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