We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
