the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You ruined the universe
Randomize
