her vagine was all disorganized.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
