i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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