do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
