OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
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I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
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i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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