SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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