the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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