Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
someone owes me an orgasm
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
