oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
