As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
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I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
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I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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