Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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