his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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