3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
