I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
this beer tastes like vomit already
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize