I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
