yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
