So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
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I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
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I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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