what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
