We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
