i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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