apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
