i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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