How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
my shit smells like andre
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
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