I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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