Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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