It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
