You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she looked like the before picture.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
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