I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
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As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
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Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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