Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
