these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
