I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
